Are You With Me. Or Be Late.

Two things before I start.

Firstly, did the use of full stop in place of a question mark bother you, in the title of this blog? If yes, you’re pretty something - keep that alive in you, whatever you’d like to call it.

Secondly, when I say ‘be late’, it sure does mean that you will someday, somewhere be in-sync with this thought of mine. That is to say, if you don’t now.

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In the last six months, I've evolved phenomenally, personally as well as professionally. Now if you’re a part of my circle (in the physical world) you’d already know the reason for it. I’ve been relentlessly raving over my newfound mentor. And his everyday novel creative-life-insights being imparted to me.

And one of the important things that he’s etched on my heart is versatility.

Now hear me out before you choose to turn away thinking I can only do one thing in life; versatility isn't for me. Hold it there, that thought. Just read. Okay?

Prada, the fashion legend, Miuccia Prada, did a lot of other things in life before venturing into fashion. Or let’s say before discovering her leaning towards fashion.

PhD in Political Science, member of a Communist Party, frontrunner of women’s rights, mime artist, art curator, film producer, budding architect, et al. she lived many lives successfully, and synchronously, apart from creating history in the Fashion Industry. And through all these facets, the experiences and the influences gained there were then transferred to her fashion brand. Prada, as a fashion house, was then distinct with deeper ideals and richer values.

Prada had so much depth in it that it never felt the need to look outside for inspiration. It was self-sufficient. It was versatile.

But more importantly, Miuccia Prada created a legacy of personal transformation. She was many things to many. She was self-sufficient. She was versatile.

Unlike some chosen few, most of us grapple daily with the quests for Who Am I? What Am I Here For? What Is My Calling? Etc. And many of us even dare to discover that passion, that one thing that will set us apart, lead to the conclusion to those daily quests.

But here’s what I have to say to you. There can be more than one passion. And why even term them as passions? These, the things that we love to do, are merely checkpoints, pit-stops to this life-long journey called self-discovery.

Who said you had to essay just one kind of job role 10-to-7, 24x5 (and 24x7 for some) throughout your lives? 

I can write copy & content; I can sing & dance; I can script, act & direct; do public speaking; be a men’s clothing stylist, even stitch; create mini-art installations out of waste; I can career counsel for the media field; I’m a part time social activist with Bhumi; be Emcee at wedding receptions; and a lot more.

So I wanna do that all in life.

I want to be every little and huge thing that I can be.

I will refrain from restricting myself to one thing. And I will certainly not fall into the stereotype ever.

As kids, we never went out to the playground pre-deciding if we’d only play cricket or only hide-and-seek. We just played whatever came our way, but we played.

So I want to play, and I will. I don’t want to make my life a serious business of horse shit.

I’d rather make it a fun carnival of horse shit.

So are you with me?


More on my mentor: www.kapilmuzumdar.com
More on passion stuff: Mark Manson

I Don't Even Know What This Is About

I feel heavy. In my chest. In my heart.

You know the kind of feeling that weighs you down. Gets your heart beating hard. The spasmatic (and that’s a word) throbbing of sorts within the chest. Unsure, anxious, not knowing what you suddenly feel so desperate about.

Definitely not the first time. But I hadn’t felt this way in a long time.

Sometimes, I think I know what I want. I think I know how I feel. Like it’s in my power to feel happy or sad. And I choose to be happy.

And then moments like these, make me wonder if that’s the real me? Is that the real feeling I am feeling? Or is it something I CHOOSE to feel as.

Oh Jesus, this is puzzling.

It’s no easy deal being your own self. Being you. Being ME.

Yes, you are looking at someone who thinks he knows what he wants from life. But do I really?

There’s this YOU. That you want to be. And there’s this, another you, who you actually are. And then there’s this constant conflict between these two YOU. Trying to rise above each other.

And you often go with who you want to be. Leaving the actual you neglected, unattended, disposed off to some dark dungeons in your mind. Free to wander aimlessly and heap up the already unacknowledged YOU. Until it finally decides to break free from the darkness and see light of the day.

I am feeling that moment right now. The moment of actual ME.

But I’m just not yet ready to perceive the actual ME. What scares me; what depresses me; what angers me; what hurts me; what drives me crazy; and what kills me just a little more (knowingly or unknowingly).

It’s as much frightening as relieving to come to terms with your actual self. The anger that’s been undercurrent, the pain that's been thriving deep in, the sadness that’s been slithering quietly beneath you.

As much as you’d love to have 365 sunny days, we can’t ignore the rains. Can we now?

I haven’t cried in years. I feel like I want to. Have I been neglecting what’s being bottled up for years now?

Not crying out can do more harm than good. I’m trying my best to cry but it’s not happening. It feels stuck. Maybe that’s why it’s heavy in the chest.

Cry. Yeah sure it will make you look weak in your eyes, make you reflect emotional through your rationality looking glass. But at least it’ll ease the pain. Lighten up a bit. And perhaps wash away the cosmetics of ASSUMED YOU.

It will take deeper digging into me to help free the crying flow.

The present needs as much YOU as your past. So remember the past but also don’t forget the present.

In the constant race of I’d-Like-To-Be there’s also the I-Am-The-Me pacing sideways with you. And both will have to run side-by-side.

The surface is all shiny and gold. One scrape and you’ll start to uncover a near-you.

Aromatherapy with Ekam!

It’s been talked about, written about a gazillion times that even “stress” would now be feeling all stressed up listening to about own self.

Yet, we all do very little to drive away or at least assuage those intensified stress levels. Eventually, it will erupt into blazing volcanic consequences on your health soon enough. Now don’t they say prevention is better than cure?

Just when I was wondering what easy-to-do, at-home remedies I could be partaking in, I figured out much like the other sensory receipts, scents have the power to induce emotional turbulence.

Great fragrances can take you mind miles away to a dreamland, and the bad scents can invoke feelings of disgust, depression and even anger. So much of power bestowed within.

Aromatherapy it was.

I knew this would help me the best.

Why?

Because it calls for least of my participation! Working as a copywriter does get mentally hectic. Multiple brands, multiple concepts, multiple stories at once to be woven - it sure as hell gets edgy. And I guessed a little lingering fragrance can do me no harm instead.

Home or office, I knew these aromatic relievers cold be mounted anywhere, anytime. And plus, aromatherapy has no side-effects noted of.

So lighting scented candles perfectly seemed to suit my stress busting mission.

I chose Rose & Sandalwood and Cool Water fragrances particularly from EkamOnline.

Rose & Sandalwood

When you think of rose, feelings of love, companionship and togetherness fill your heart and mind. Isn’t LOVE now the best remedy to kill stress in life? Sure being with your paramour helps you forget everything, even the worries and botheration. I certainly needn’t elaborate on that.

The mood enhancing qualities of a rose candle can much do the same. It can incite feelings, memories, etc. of togetherness, companionship to help release the feel-good hormones. And invariably reduce the stress levels.

Coupled with sandalwood the effect is only doubled. Rose and sandalwood best help fighting stress, fatigue, anger, anxiety, grief, etc.

Cool Water

Made quite famous by Davidoff, Cool Water is a fragrance that I personally vouch by. Well I chose this scent not just because it’s one of my favourites, but because the essence of Cool Water is extremely invigorating. The fragrance beautifully evokes the scene of the white sands and cool breezes blowing past you with the fresh scent of ocean blue waters, in your mind.

It’s a contemporary fragrance, quite suitable for a daytime lighting whenever you need a fresh outlook.

If you’d like to buy the same scented pillar candles or just browse through the other suitable collection, do visit the site Ekam Online.

Ekam - a fabulous name - meaning supreme oneness or singularity in Sanskrit. Isn’t that a marvellous name to have?

More at the e-store to be found

• Pillar candles
• Tea-Lights
• Votive Candles
• Designer Candles
• Lampshade Candles
  
  with free samplers available as well.

Ekam Online also has varieties in flameless fragrances - diffusers, sprays and fragrant oils, as well as other exciting gifting options. Do check out http://www.ekamonline.com/ for more information.

Let’s get our mind, body, and essentially our SPACE, detoxified!

What I Realised When My Close Friend Came Out To Me!

You know you've found that special friend in your life, when you can share anything, absolutely anything, with that person. 

More often than not, most of us will sooner face a "coming out" situation - whether we'd like to face it or no. Perhaps, us coming out to our dear ones or some dear one coming out to us. It'll be an inevitable situation for most of us.

Very recently, I was caught off guard by one of my close friends - who chose to stun me for a moment with his/her "secret" in the middle of a dinner, at a restaurant. And it probably hits you the hardest when that someone coming out has been close to you for years now. And, especially, when you've been absolutely unsuspecting of their sexual orientation all this while.

Man that strikes like a bolt of lightning.

A volatile reaction is expected of. And it's all right for the surprised emotions to take an ireful turn. But this is the defining moment. And harsh reactions would certainly hamper the relationship between you two.

Instead of throwing up, I chose to gulp down the food. From the expressions, I assumed my friend expected a reaction out of me. But I simply said: "Gimme sometime to digest this!" (I guess I got too carried away by the food.) We didn't talk much after that for the whole evening. Until a day or two later.

That night, I slept over it. Like they say, the realisation happened. And I not just had things to say to my close friend but to you all guys as well. So here's what I realised when my close friend came out to me. And here's how one should respond (preferably) when someone comes out to them. (Especially, in the Indian context since we know how unpleasant the scenario is for the homosexuals here.)


1. UNCHANGED
Sure you've been made privy to additional information about your friend, which you didn't happen to know previously. But should his/her sexual orientation change anything that's currently existing between you two? He/she is still the same person you've known long.

We all have secrets. Not all secrets mask our personality, our humanity. To say the least, the top ten things that made my friend my close friend didn't have "sexual orientation" on the list. So I guessed nothing was really going to change!


2. HONOUR
Out of everyone, if my friend chooses to tell me first, or even just tell me something that is so private to him/her, I'd of course be honoured. And so should everybody feel.

It's a big step for your friend. For anybody to believe and trust in somebody else. So value that decision, and take it like an honour. They trusted you, let's not prove them wrong!


3. LISTEN
That which everybody should generally do more. And more specifically in this situation.

Your friend is already going through a lot of internal turmoil, agitation. They just need someone to share their feelings with, to talk their heart out probably, have mental support. So don't counter-talk them with questions and assumptions. Listen.

And if something worthwhile comes to your mind speak out. But something that tries to calm your friend, in case they are all nervous and going nuts. Otherwise, little supportive words are enough to assure your friend of your support. No big speeches. Please.


4. GAY
Also means "happy". So while you are doing all that listening, don't sit like a zombie. Emotionless, expressionless. You may not speak at that moment, but you can certainly respond through your expressions. And trust me that's a lot easier than speaking the right kind of words!

Have feelings of happiness on your face. A smile, definitely. Laughter, no. Nod. Look into their eyes. That's the most assuring. And if you are comfortable then, don't forget to sign off with a warm hug. I think hugs make everybody happy irrespective of the orientations.

(Also, try reacting a little less surprised or less happy for someone who breaks this news on Social Media. I'm still figuring out that part)


5. DISCREET
More than your friend is. Because, intentionally or unintentionally, it's not your job to spread the word about your friend's sexuality. Not unless your friend is OK with it, and the two of you have that understanding between each other.

Either way, let's not be the speakers for something that isn't ours to tell, unless the situation compulsively demands for it.


That's all I have for now. But I sure would like to conclude with a few pointers.

• Mostly, your friend doesn't fancy you if they come out to you (for same sex friends!)
• Please don't ask silly questions. Have some general knowledge on the LGBT community
• Importantly, continue doing what you've been doing with your close friend
• Know the difference between sexual orientation and gender identity (refer pointer 2)
• And it's never too late. You can still make up with your friend =)